Sylar's Journal of Madness
by Boisterous Hal
Summary: Sylar writes a journal, proving that inside this super powered serial killer's mind resides a vast amount of madness.


Summary: Sylar writes a journal, proving that inside this super powered serial killer's mind resides a vast amount of madness.

Warnings: Mild references to human brains, specifically the consumption of them. This product may contain traces of crack. Actually, it contains significant amounts of crack.

Author's note: These journal entries are not supposed to fit into any particular timeline, so I've just numbered each entry instead of dating them.

Disclaimer: I do not own Heroes. If I did, the show would be ruined beyond repair. No, really. I also don't own the Guinness Book of Records, Kill Bill Vol. 1 nor Merlin.

* * *

**Sylar's Journal of Madness**

**Entry #1**

I woke up this morning (as one usually does each morning), and looked in the mirror. I noticed that my eyebrows seemed extra thick. My eyebrows were thick to begin with, but man, today there was a noticeable increase in their thickness. This realization filled me with glee, since one of my life's missions (apart from killing every other evolved human on the planet) is to have the thickest eyebrows possessed by anyone in the world. I could make the Guinness Book of Records, and become famous. Muhahahahahaha.

On a serious note, while being filled with glee, I'm also fearful that if my eyebrows were to become any thicker, I might look like a cousin of Bigfoot. That wouldn't be very frightening now, would it?

**Entry #2**

I was out shopping in the supermarket earlier today, and guess what I found in the freezer section containing sugar-filled treats that children crave? You'll never guess, journal, so I'll go ahead and tell you. It was a new flavor of ice-cream, called "Carrot and Onion". I had to look twice at the label to make sure my eyes weren't failing me, but I had read it correctly. This was quite an appropriate name for the flavor, since it did indeed contain carrots and onions. After a steady diet of brains and other exotic organs, I was looking for some culinary variety. So I shrugged and bought a tub. I wasn't expecting anything special, in fact I was expecting to dislike it. You know what happened? I actually loved it. It tastes like a vegetable pie, but with a creamy, soft consistency. Who would have thought that Carrot and Onion could be an ice-cream flavor, and a flavor that at least one person would _like_? Whoever invented it is a genius. If I find this genius, I'm going to "study" his or her brain. Muhahahaha. (1)

**Entry #3**

I watched Kill Bill, Vol. 1 last night. How many times have I watched that film? I don't know, I've lost count. The gratuitous violence in it fills me with joy, with the bonus of watching Uma Thurman kicking ass.

I am considering a move into filmmaking after I've retired from serial killing. I dunno what genre of film I'd make. Horror, most likely. Lots of blood and gore, oh yes. My hands rub together in glee, and my toes quiver with excitement.

It's getting late. I'm off to dream about making people miserable. Then I'll just have to put this into action.

**Entry # 4**

Guess who I encountered today? It was Hiro Nakamura, and when he saw me, he gasped. His eyes opened wide, he ran away screaming "Brain Man!" This supposedly was the guy who impaled me with a sword at Kirby Plaza, in what seems like ages ago. One day, it will be his turn to have his brain studied by yours truly, you mark my words.

On second thoughts, scratch that. I've heard rumors that he's dying as a result of using his ability too much. It's not the worth the risk of increasing my likelihood of dying if I steal Hiro's ability. It might happen, even I can't die because of Claire's ability. I know how paradoxical that sounds. Hmm. Come to think of it, could I die from overusing my abilities? Double hmm. Oh, but using telekinesis is just too much fun to give up. I'll keep you posted on any developments.

**Entry #5**

While driving to the beach today, my car's battery decided to die. I know, it was really silly of me to not have checked it before I left the house. Fortunately, I had studied the brain of a young man by the name of Sammy Jones. He had the ability to fully charge batteries by merely touching them. All I had to do was push the car onto the hard shoulder, pop the hood, touch the battery and voila, it worked.

At the beach, I walked waist deep in the ocean, and had a little ponder. I've always been fascinated with underwater life, and wondered what life would be like if I was born as a marine creature. I probably would have ended up as a great white shark, making me the aquatic equivalent of my human self. There really is no justice in this world. Bwahahahahahahehehohaha. While in the water, I pulled a scary face at a couple of kiddies who got too close to me, and they were terrified. My work at the beach was complete. I had an ice-cream before I went home, and unfortunately the ice-cream vendor did not offer Carrot and Onion as a choice. I settled for Chocolate Mint instead. Oh, chocolate. Yummy.

**Entry #6**

I encountered another old "friend" today. This time, it was Peter Petrelli. I casually said to him, "Hey, Peter" as a friendly gesture, and you know what the bastard did? He glared at me, and proceeded to go his own way. Okay, so I tried to kill him a number of times, but that's no reason to give me the cold shoulder like that. Oh well, it's neither here nor there, because one day I will finally get the better of him, and his ability will be mine, all mine. Muhahahahahaha.

On the other hand, I can't shake this feeling that my destiny is intertwined with Peter's destiny, though I'm uncertain if that involves us being allies or remaining arch-rivals. It's kind of like that deal with Merlin and Arthur, though I'm hotter than Colin Morgan and Bradley James combined. So there.

*****

Footnote:

(1) No, you can't actually get Carrot and Onion ice-cream, since it's my own creation (as in me, Boisterous Hal, not Sylar). I actually pitched the idea of this flavor to my Mum, and she didn't go for it. Thank goodness there is at least one sane person in my family.

*****

**My apologies if this seemed short. I rushed to published this, since I've been so busy with work recently, among other stuff.**

**I'm not sure if I'll be adding any more entries. It will depend on my mood, and whether my creative juices are running in the future. If you liked this fic, please 'story alert' it, in case I add more entries.**

**Rubbish? Not rubbish? Review, please.**


End file.
